HOW TO BE AID TO THOSE WHO LIVE IN CONTACT WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE A PROBLEM FOOD
When you are close to a person suffering from an eating disorder, regardless of whether he is already in therapy or not, it is natural to ask themselves questions about how they should be handled many aspects of everyday life.
What to do in front of a partner who binge? We must compel a child to eat or not? We must point out to a friend who is growing too much weight? What happens in the house with the problems of cost, food preparation, etc of their engagement.? What to do if you find cha daughter uses drugs such as laxatives or diuretics?
often relatives, partners or friends of these patients are trying to solve problems trying to modify or control the behavior of their loved ones. Yet, it is shown that such strategies do not work hardly ever! In fact, when the control is weakened, and if you have not tried to change the motivation to change the sick person, his behavior tends to return soon as the first (sometimes even worse!).
In fact most of the reactions that occur in front of the disturbance of a family member or friend who suffers from an eating disorder, born of an understandable reaction to feelings of helplessness, frustration, futility, anger, arouse in these patients people around them. These feelings
reactions are natural and understandable that we all feel (we therapists) to deal with problems on which we feel we have no control.
And since one of the main problems of a person suffering from an eating disorder is just a control problem (these patients are constantly tormented by the obsession with weight control and physical appearance, or the anguished fear of losing it) to think of them beat in a game of control is a losing battle.
So here you have to come up with some formula to survive emotionally to a friend, or a family member who suffers from an eating disorder, in expectation that therapy will bear results.
There are a few tips we can give to deal with situations like these. Take them as a guide to meditation, or as a stimulus for self-help group for family members, but in any case Think on!
• We learn to accept the fact that certain diseases can not be instantly healed, more generally, we say that not everything in life that is identified as a problem can be solved inpoco time. • We learn to accept the right of a ' other person to have an independent life, in life we \u200b\u200bcan not change all people and make them as we would like. Each (after being appropriately informed of the risks to which it conducted its exhibit) shall be free to make their own choices about how to manage their lives. In the words of David M. Garner: "have anorexia or bulimia is not a criminal!" So, especially if we know that the other / a is under the care of a therapist, we should be able to let us by. Cheil • Whether it is our dear , or is not treated, it is better to keep aloof from the problems of food and not center the relationship with this person on the problems of food and body weight. It 'is important also speak of things "normal" from "how it went today to work / school" to "what do you think the last film by Salvatores.
course, then when you must share the house with a person suffering from an eating disorder, the rules of coexistence will obviously be different depending on the relationship you have with this person. As a guide, however, you will face problems related to which and how many foods have at home, how to handle the problem of binge eating and vomiting etc.
Let us, therefore, to establish some general rules of coexistence that can help patients and their families to better cope with these problems and move forward simultaneously on the path of healing and preservation of relationships.
• Avoid purchasing or re-buy special foods or otherwise intended solely for the person suffering from an eating disorder. This means that if one of the family should be his binge responsibility to replace the food that has been made to disappear (among other things, this can help him / yy become aware of the economic costs of illness). But that also means no need to buy special food to entice anorexic to eat.
• Let each family member decides for itself what it wants or does not want to eat without force, or limit, no one in their food choices (provided it is satisfied the first rule above).
• Try not to make the lunch hour in a field of battle, or trying to leave the problem of the patient outside the topics of conversation at the table. If the patient does not want to eat is important that you sit still at the table. If you prefer to eat something different must be free / to do so provided that if you prepare yourself / a.
• Try to agree on household tasks on the food. Or if the person suffering from an eating disorder is also responsible for purchasing and preparing food at home, and this creates problems, it is appropriate to offer the exchange leaving for a while 'other household tasks that do not have to do with food.
• Even the sick should be responsible for their behavior (particularly if this can harm others). So the fact of hiding the food in the room, leaving crumbs and litter around, or the fact of going to vomit leaving the bathroom dirty, is not acceptable in a family! Again, it is of no use to the patient that someone else to assume its responsibilities or trying to lighten the consequences of his behavior symptomatic, even this type of aid ends to prevent it from growing and becoming aware of its problems. So who stuff themselves must leave the kitchen clean and usable for others, and if it runs out of food stocks of the house, is responsible for going to replace them. • Avoid
more generally bear the burden of controlling the behavior of the patient. Type: put food under lock and key or stay home with him / her just to avoid a binge, because in this way does not help the patient gain control over their own behavior. Also avoid doing the detective to spy and report on the conduct of the symptomatic patient.
These rules, if you decide to follow them, must of course be mandatory. This means that, once established, it is important to enforce them, otherwise it is useless to create them!
It 'obvious that if you are the parents of a girl who is economically dependent on you the possibilities and powers in the game, which will be different if, for example, two cohabiting financially independent.
E 'should the plans of "survival housekeeping" rules and sanctions are discussed together the patient and it is clear that all this serves no purpose in punishing him, but simply it is necessary for the smooth running of the partnership. Try to be consistent with what was said, that do not make exceptions to the covenants or rules for any reason lose all meaning.
It 'still appropriate for any particular difficulties can be taken as arguments of the therapy, both by families from the subject. When in doubt, in fact, it's always better not to take the role of the therapist and do not give advice that you are not sure can be corrected. Finally
looking for, however, possible to prevent the symptomatic behaviors of the patient with whom you live with your condition the emotional reactions, will generate anxiety or depression, or lead you to neglect your normal activities (if this happens it is better to get help from a therapist), as only protecting your health and your emotional self can really be of help to the people you love, healthy or ill.
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